Working from Home...and the Walls are Closin' In!

Something that is not uncommon to hear a newly bereaved spouse or adult child tell me as a bereavement counselor is how they miss the very chaos that once drove them crazy. The constant phone calls, nursing visits, trips to the drug store,etc. All of it is exhausting when you are caring for a loved one and, of course on a different level, the same is true for those of us who do Hospice work. It is not for just anybody and yet, if it is for you, you really do go through a sort of withdrawal when you haven't done it for awhile...like me.

I began a slow return to work via putting in four hours a day on my home computer and telephone to make bereavement calls, sit in on meetings and document a number of things on my work computer through an amazing high tech option called "VPN" - don't ask me what it stands for, but it means you can access your work computer from your home computer and, get this, even print a work document to your work printer from home. Pretty cool stuff.I didn't realize how much I missed my own chaos until I took over four weeks off from it. I love my home, my cats, my computer station, my stack of books (still mostly unread) and even the Netflix videos I have coming in every other day...but it's not the same as having a consistent structure within which people need you, appreciate you calling, and your co-workers let you know unabashedly that they have missed you, your presence, even your warped humor.

I did my four hours rather effortlessly and had a lot of catching up to do on some things that had to be left for when I returned to work. In this past week, I spoke with some really sweet but hurting people who have lost loved ones and felt very relaxed and, here's the keyword, RESTED as I attended to them. Not only have I had this long hiatus, but I was also able to attend to people within the comfort of my own home. At the office, people are constantly popping in, the phone is almost always ringing and I am pretty much at the mercy of the pace of the working environment. Here at home, I have a list of calls to make, notes to enter into medical records, but it's extremely quiet...and, would you believe, it's kind of getting to me!

My partner has been working a lot away from home so I am having a lot more alone time than I am having time with friends and family. It's okay, but it's starting to wear on me a little. Lucy and I went out several nights ago to have a late night hamburger and I just reveled in actually being somewhere that had NOISE! Normally I abhor the sounds of plasma televisions in the background, but it was the night that the Phillies clinched another trip to the World Series, so it was kind of fun to eat some good food and occasionally glimpse over to see the score.

My four hours a day restriction is in effect through November 4th after which I may get the green light to go to five or six. But the reality still is that I can't drive until the three month mark which would be mid-December (unless I get an earlier clearance) so I think it will still be awhile before I grace my office and get back to a normal existence. Still, I'm just glad I have one foot back in the door and can truly appreciate the saying: You don't know what you've got till it's gone. In my situation, it's not "gone", but it sure has been missing in action!