Coping with Stairs and other nuisances

I was very fortunate to have an ambulance approved by worker's comp to bring me home after my surgery (and even the EMTs agreed it was a very good idea once they saw the entrance to my home). I live in a house that is totally NOT handicap accessible and knew my stairs leading from the street up to my front porch would be a nightmare. Thanks to the EMTs, that nightmare was averted...until today, that is.

My sister is here visiting as was a good friend of mine and my partner was home from work, so we all decided it would be a good time to "practice" doing these treacherous stairs, beginning with a steeper than average step down from my front door to my porch. I had my walker handy as well as my crutches and, with THREE people ready to step in to help, I figure this would be doable.

So, with the front door now open and a broken storm door awaiting my exit (hinge needs to be replaced), I became immediately aware of the presence of several of my eight curious cats. Oops, didn't factor this into the mix! So, while my sister, Karen, took the role of shooing them away from time to time, my partner, Lucy, waited for me to step down on to the porch. Where was I in all of this? Oh yeah, I was like a deer in headlights (make that HALOGEN headlights) trying to comprehend just HOW to do this. Total brain fart, no clue whatsoever how to make something seemingly simple come to fruition. It reminded me so vividly of those (many) press conferences with President Bush when he was asked a question that required depth, command, and intelligence and none of the three was in stock that day.

So, at least five minutes later, after Lucy painfully dragged over a heavy slate step to place on the porch to make this first step not be such a doozy for me, I knew of no other way to do it than to put most of my weight on her (on my right side which is where the bad ankle is) and slide slowly down to my good foot. Quickly, I positioned my other crutch under my right armpit and wobbled a bit before managing to get down to the porch. I'm probably not being very clear in describing this, but, for the life of me, I just could not compute how to accomplish this task today, and, even with several others looking on, it just wasn't happening with ease!

The other sidebar here is that, after posting my full weight on crutches during this long delay while we tried to figure all this out for a good 5 to 7 minutes, I was getting incredibly fatigued. Still to be decided was how amother task would get done" "how do I get down the few porch steps I have and manage to get from there to where my car will be?" My neighbor luckily has a paved sidewalk and driveway and we all agreed it made better sense to cut across his front lawn and get in my car there for my upcoming MD appointment (on Thursday). Still, with a partner and sister who are beyond my own age and not in terrific physical shape, we realized that we needed to find a suitable "steady Eddie" who can help us pull this off later this week. (Luckily, it appears we found the right candidate - my neighbor - he has all the attributes: rock solid, strong, and fearless....which NONE of us were today!

To summarize, this was just downright exhausting to go through, both physically and mentally, as the sheer din of all my helpful "crew" chiming in with all their ideas which turned into forebodings ("you could fall", "I'm not strong enough to catch you if you DO" and finally "I need to walk away from this because you're not listening to me!") was just too much for my weary mind to take. Bottom line: that which does not kill you makes you stronger....and at this point, I'm probably the strongest blob of a physical wreck in my entire neighborhood! Stay tuned for more!

Setting the Bar Low = Pleasant Surprises

How many times in your life have you made the comment to someone going through a difficult time, "Just let me know what I can do..." and then, of course, you forget all about the poor unfortunate slob and your conscience can remain clear/clean!

As a bereavement counselor, I am real big on advising clients to not expect others to read their minds and know magically what they need: you actually need to open your mouth, swallow your pride and TELL them. Really, no kidding, that's how it is in the real world. This is especially true during a time like the one I am going through where humility has to take a back seat...along with vanity (as I wrote about earlier).

Here's the thing: I cannot go out and get my newspaper, nor can I get my mail (trust me, if you saw my front porch and ensuing steps down to the street level you would know what I mean when it comes to my being on crutches). I can crutch my way down to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee or a sandwich but how do I carry it back to the living room or dining room table? Today I faced a minor obstacle like those just mentioned in that I had just received my first worker's comp check and it needed to be deposited. No direct deposit is available with this perk, so somehow it has to find its way to the bank...which is not exactly right around the corner, plus my partner isn't home from work till nearly 7 p.m. With some bills coming due by Monday, I need the dough in the bank today plus I need some cash to pay people back when they get me lunch or groceries or whatever.

So, I sat and stewed about how I would get this task done today, made all the more challenging by the fact that I am aching all through my arms and even my hands now from using my crutches (it even hurts in my forearms as I type this). As fate would have it, a co-worker of mine who I very much enjoy but had no high expectations of during my leave of absence calls me up and starts off with, "What can I do for you today?" She has already been over once to help me clean my house and organize a few things and she did this on her day off which she was now offering to do yet again today. I realized very quickly, "Wow, she is actually for real!" Still ,I hesitated to tell her I needed this banking done. I needn't have worried because she convincingly said again, "Tell me what you need done and I will be up in no time to do it for you." Really? Yes, really.

Not only that, but she said the magic words, "You want lunch from Wendy's?" and we were all set. She showed up within the hour with a chicken sandwich, huge diet coke and chili and after we talked a bit, she was off to do my banking for me. I stupidly gave her bad directions to the God forsaken bank (which is not conveniently located, to say the least) but still she came back with a smile and cash for my empty wallet. You may ask, "So, what's the big deal??" Here's the big deal: I truly didn't expect this co-worker (now officially a "friend") to be there for me in this way. She had told me before my surgery to count on her if I needed help and I sort of yeah-yeahed it, but now it had come to fruition, not just once but twice. It made my aches and pains and severe boredom a little less so. So, set the bar low and you never know what might happen: the people you least count on make their presence known at these times and help make an ordeal such as this more bearable.

Post Surgery and the lack of ANY vanity

Isn't this adorable looking? It follows me everywhere I go and is especially delightful to deal with when trying to sleep under covers, turn from one side to the other and, like last night, do battle with one of my angry cats who didn't care much for this lumpy cast taking up her spot on the bed! Her growling and swatting is what woke me up at least twice. Not fun.

It's not like I have a whole lot to do right now simply because I can't do it. I'm still very unbalanced on my crutches so I hop around most of the time using a walker. My so called "good foot" will eventually need its own therapy if I keep that up! Luckily, I'm finding that several office chairs with wheels on them (and one has a handy armrest, too) are excellent means of transportation around the house. I'm just grateful I really don't HAVE to leave my home for another week when I have my follow-up meeting with my surgeon.

I looked at myself today and made one of those "ewwww" noises (I think even the mirror did so, too) - there I was with my hair sticking up like a cactus, dark circles under my eyes from doing "cat versus splint" battle during the night, and just overall kind of pathetic looking. Grooming is somewhat of a luxury at this point although I have taken one sponge bath (with some wonderful smelling soap provided by my partner) and washed my hair twice in the kitchen sink with a friend providing supervision over the rolling office chair (it kind of had a mind of its own!) and handing me a towel and gel, etc. The other real freaky thing is I seem to be having hot flashes galore, almost more than I have ever before and I haven't made the connection as to why. All I know is I'm sweaty all the time and it isn't helped by the fact that getting from the couch to the bathroom on my walker and then skating a bit on the office chair really does take a lot out of me. Then, of course, there's the pure awkwardness of ... um.... disrobing when you need to take care of the bathroom business. Having just one good arm at this point (the left one is hurting and achy most of the time) and of course just one usable foot makes things challenging to say the least.

As I sat with my ever elevated foot/ankle, diet soda, mixed nuts and vanilla pudding not far away, watching (groan) daytime TV (which quickly became my new favorite DVD, "Damages" starring Glenn Close), I couldn't help but envision myself as the poster child for "Welfare Slug"...you know, the kind that soak up hours of TV, look like crap, stuff their face and someone else pays them to do this? In my case, it's worker's comp but, of course, this isn't by choice, it's by circumstance. All the same, I definitely was aware of the parallels for a little while. With my luck, some worker's comp investigator will be peeking in my window with his camera ready JUST as I am taking one of my wheely office chair rides and assume I'm just fine! Oh well.....!

How it Happened and other stuff

I didn't realize (until this happened to me) how big a circle those of us are who have ruptured their achilles tendon, had surgery and then have to cope with the excruciating long recovery period (which I will call the ELRP from here on in). Then I quickly realized WHY so many of us are online blogging about it, asking questions of each other, comparing notes and the like: it majorly SUCKS. Not just that, but it is quite a titillating topic. When I tell people it will be THREE MONTHS until I can drive again, their mouths could collect flies from hanging open in shock. I also let them know I cannot bear weight on the right foot for at least 4-6 weeks, maybe longer. This, too, makes them oooh and ahhh in sympathy.

However, what gets the most curious reaction is when I tell people HOW this happened. Contrary to the tales about "playing hoops with the guys" or "slalom skiing at 100 miles per hour", all I can come up with is a "mousey incident" that happened on 8/26/09 in my office as I scurried about to get a mouse (hence "mousey incident") for my laptop as our morning rounds were about to begin. Before I go any futher, I know what you are wondering: 1) Yes, we ARE talking worker's comp and 2) no, there was no huge divot in the carpeting, snowstorm that blinded me or oil spill in the parking lot. Nope, just me lumbering around a corner trying to find a computer device for a stupid meeting and going whoops as I tripped over my own feet on indoor/outdoor carpeting that was about as plush as a memo pad. In other words, I fell on concrete flooring for all intents and purposes and, as my right foot got bent backward, my 200+ pound frame hurtled forward and I landed on my left elbow/forearm. Ouch does not even being to describe what came out of my mouth at that moment but you can be assured it was appropriate to what had just happened. No, I didn't hear that infamous "pop" as my achilles tendon wrested away from my ankle, but within minutes, once I staggered back up to my feet, it felt like my right foot had just been pumped up with about two full inches of padding from the swelling that took place!

For those of you not already in the know, time is of the essence when diagnosing and treating an ATR (achilles tendon rupture if you need a clue). After I ruptured mine on 8/26/09, I went immediately to have it looked it, was told that the swelling was normal and just to take ONE DAY off before returning to work. I had the worst spasms of my life that night and stayed home an additional day because the pain just totally freaked me out. Found out later that was my tendon crying out for its counterpart (and this happened for nearly a week before it subsided). I was seen again by the same clinic on 8/28, told that it looked like "things are moving along as they should" even though I was walking like someone twice my age. I truly had no pain, just weakness in the foot and no ability to push. On 9/1/09, my physical therapist (who was giving me weekly massages for a bone spur on the same foot) commented, "Hmmm, there's a crevice here on the ankle where your achilles tendon should be."
Words like "crevice on your ankle" should ALWAYS make you stop what you're doing and pay close attention!

It was 9/4 before I could get back in the clinic and finally I got a very serious but thorough physician's assistant who did something called the Thompson Test (where your calves are gently squeezed and, since these are connected to your ankle by your achilles tendon, if your ankle does not stir, that's a definitive sign of a rupture or tear in the achilles tendon. He calmly told me, "Yup, you've blown it right out!" There was a thud in my stomach that was just sickening as I heard him calling around looking for orthopedic surgeons who just might possibly be able to see me around 4:30 p.m. on the Friday afternoon before Labor Day weekend. NO way. I did, however, get an appointment for Tuesday, 9/8 and was told to stay off my feet as much as possible.

Another side bar: the fall I took also greatly injured my left arm (I fell on it, full weight. I recently was informed I have "tennis elbow" and that, over time, it will work itself out. However,right now, that painful left arm of mine is telling me to call it a night. Hope we can all exchange stories here and maybe even brighten up each other's days because I am going to be a homebody for at least a month or two and could use a few new friends!